Human judges?

Its been two years now since work has started. Challenges abound and go. Things haven't always been easy, people haven't always been as kind. Nonetheless that's life. God never promised a smooth ride in our lives, but at least He has never left me.

As I ponder upon these two years, I begin to see the truth in what my professors say, about people being the most difficult to manage in any given organisation. It's true as our human emotions are highly complex and we can never have a full picture of what's going on within a person's mind.

I've seen it in myself. Emotions are not always easy to mask, but more often than not, we succeed to some extent. When you're surrounded by the masculine forces at work, its almost a taboo to consider breaking down. This is our modern culture. Women have twice the effort to put in as men to maintain their cool concerning how they're deemed the more emotional one. And men are equally pressured to meet the expectations of their bosses in order to maintain their jobs and provide for the family.

Suppressed emotions, until you hear of a colleague dying of a sudden stroke or heart attack. Then you realise you're just as prone to it having all unpleasant emotions suppressed inside in fear of being judged.

The fear of judgement is often unconscious but true. The need to please our bosses and be accepted in the eyes of our colleagues and friends often mask our core. And sometimes its precisely what they want to see. Being the one who behaves and thinks not like the majority may have you singled out as the odd one. Then again, who can blame them for having the same fear of being judged themselves?

There is no perfect solution then other than to recognize the human in us all, whilst acknowledging the greatest Judge to come.

"There's one sad truth in life I've found while journeying east and west - The only folks we really wound are those we love the best. We flatter those we scarcely know, we please the fleeting guest, and deal full many a thoughtless blow to those who love us best."

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox -

Suddenly, I'm not so sure anymore.

I'm tired trying to resolve issues, even more so when i became the cause.

Friend or Foe?

I never cease to wonder how sometimes, a simple statement made by a friend could cause so much distress. And there I was, pondering upon the past, succumbing to the negative feelings that overwhelmed me. Maybe I thought, I was wrong, that I was just making my own assumptions. Maybe I thought this time it was different, that this was a chance to patch up a friendship that was long lost. But now, on second thought, maybe my gut feeling was not wrong after all. I mean apart from the fact that such a statement had triggered the openings of the negative memory windows of the past, you, whether with ill intentions or not, had absorbed a good part of energy that was left in me. I can't blame you for that though, because I was the one that chose to dwell on such things, that caused my own distress. But I guess, a friend that is worth keeping is not one who wishes to witness the downfall of his or her friend, but rather a true friend is one who would provide support and see to the success and happiness of his friend. Having said that, I do not have enough information to completely verify what I think I know is the case, but if it is, I could really do away with a friend like you - one who rips the energy of his friend. Still, I wish you the very best in all that you do; but to envision upon the hope of a good friendship, I won't bother trying.

Now the all too common question asked in our existing human race:

"What is love?"

Its hard to define what it really is, for from children to teenagers to adults to scholars, love is perceived from different angles, and as such defined differently.

But I guess love is really not just a feeling, but rather commitment combined with action.

Today I just found out that my dad was after my mum for a good seven years before they finally got together. What an interesting discovery, but it only verifies an extra fact,

that love is also patient.

Oh the litte things I used to fret about...

As I grow older, I realize how some things in life matter less. Things that catches you by surprise when you were five no longer comes out as a surprise. Things that worried you so much you literally had sleepless nights when you were in primary no longer present themselves as threats. Events that seemingly represented the end of the world when you were Form 1 seem almost insignificant now. Exams that created so much stress your face popped its own pimples when you were Form 3 is now but bitter-sweet memories. The crushes you had and sometimes got emotional about all seem so silly now, oh hopeless romantic! The envious moments of your friends which often only led to more strife seem all but a waste of time and energy. The things that people say which bothered you so much back when you were young and seemingly helpless doesn't seem to matter now. The rumors that you hear about others which you more often than not were tempted to believe now leaves you wondering how true they were and if its even fair to cast any form of judgement. The major arguments and little fights with your siblings that made you feel like casting them out momentarily using your magic dust are now turning into meaningful and highly treasured conversations which only reminds you to appreciate them more. The promises that people made but break are all too common now, only reminding you to be wary and not follow in their footsteps. The constant nagging of your parents which only agitated you further seem to slowly make sense now. The little stuffs that you used to sweat about is probably not worth half a droplet of what is to be thought about now.

And it took me twenty-one good years to have less worries to go about,

Oh the little things I used to fret about...