Human judges?

Its been two years now since work has started. Challenges abound and go. Things haven't always been easy, people haven't always been as kind. Nonetheless that's life. God never promised a smooth ride in our lives, but at least He has never left me.

As I ponder upon these two years, I begin to see the truth in what my professors say, about people being the most difficult to manage in any given organisation. It's true as our human emotions are highly complex and we can never have a full picture of what's going on within a person's mind.

I've seen it in myself. Emotions are not always easy to mask, but more often than not, we succeed to some extent. When you're surrounded by the masculine forces at work, its almost a taboo to consider breaking down. This is our modern culture. Women have twice the effort to put in as men to maintain their cool concerning how they're deemed the more emotional one. And men are equally pressured to meet the expectations of their bosses in order to maintain their jobs and provide for the family.

Suppressed emotions, until you hear of a colleague dying of a sudden stroke or heart attack. Then you realise you're just as prone to it having all unpleasant emotions suppressed inside in fear of being judged.

The fear of judgement is often unconscious but true. The need to please our bosses and be accepted in the eyes of our colleagues and friends often mask our core. And sometimes its precisely what they want to see. Being the one who behaves and thinks not like the majority may have you singled out as the odd one. Then again, who can blame them for having the same fear of being judged themselves?

There is no perfect solution then other than to recognize the human in us all, whilst acknowledging the greatest Judge to come.

"There's one sad truth in life I've found while journeying east and west - The only folks we really wound are those we love the best. We flatter those we scarcely know, we please the fleeting guest, and deal full many a thoughtless blow to those who love us best."

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox -

Suddenly, I'm not so sure anymore.

I'm tired trying to resolve issues, even more so when i became the cause.

Friend or Foe?

I never cease to wonder how sometimes, a simple statement made by a friend could cause so much distress. And there I was, pondering upon the past, succumbing to the negative feelings that overwhelmed me. Maybe I thought, I was wrong, that I was just making my own assumptions. Maybe I thought this time it was different, that this was a chance to patch up a friendship that was long lost. But now, on second thought, maybe my gut feeling was not wrong after all. I mean apart from the fact that such a statement had triggered the openings of the negative memory windows of the past, you, whether with ill intentions or not, had absorbed a good part of energy that was left in me. I can't blame you for that though, because I was the one that chose to dwell on such things, that caused my own distress. But I guess, a friend that is worth keeping is not one who wishes to witness the downfall of his or her friend, but rather a true friend is one who would provide support and see to the success and happiness of his friend. Having said that, I do not have enough information to completely verify what I think I know is the case, but if it is, I could really do away with a friend like you - one who rips the energy of his friend. Still, I wish you the very best in all that you do; but to envision upon the hope of a good friendship, I won't bother trying.

Now the all too common question asked in our existing human race:

"What is love?"

Its hard to define what it really is, for from children to teenagers to adults to scholars, love is perceived from different angles, and as such defined differently.

But I guess love is really not just a feeling, but rather commitment combined with action.

Today I just found out that my dad was after my mum for a good seven years before they finally got together. What an interesting discovery, but it only verifies an extra fact,

that love is also patient.

Oh the litte things I used to fret about...

As I grow older, I realize how some things in life matter less. Things that catches you by surprise when you were five no longer comes out as a surprise. Things that worried you so much you literally had sleepless nights when you were in primary no longer present themselves as threats. Events that seemingly represented the end of the world when you were Form 1 seem almost insignificant now. Exams that created so much stress your face popped its own pimples when you were Form 3 is now but bitter-sweet memories. The crushes you had and sometimes got emotional about all seem so silly now, oh hopeless romantic! The envious moments of your friends which often only led to more strife seem all but a waste of time and energy. The things that people say which bothered you so much back when you were young and seemingly helpless doesn't seem to matter now. The rumors that you hear about others which you more often than not were tempted to believe now leaves you wondering how true they were and if its even fair to cast any form of judgement. The major arguments and little fights with your siblings that made you feel like casting them out momentarily using your magic dust are now turning into meaningful and highly treasured conversations which only reminds you to appreciate them more. The promises that people made but break are all too common now, only reminding you to be wary and not follow in their footsteps. The constant nagging of your parents which only agitated you further seem to slowly make sense now. The little stuffs that you used to sweat about is probably not worth half a droplet of what is to be thought about now.

And it took me twenty-one good years to have less worries to go about,

Oh the little things I used to fret about...

I've been thinking, that's all I can say.

ALAS, ITS OVER!

HOW TIME FLIES! I can't believe the last paper is over. :( I know I'm supposed to be jumping for joy, and I was when I stepped out of the exam hall earlier; however, looking back now and Lord willing that all goes well, I think I'm going to terribly miss college life.

The friends that you've made throughout the course of your studies; the wonderful lecturers that has helped and guided you along the way; the lunch hours and chill-out sessions with your friends while waiting for classes to commence; the anxiety of awaiting for your results; the joy of knowing that you've done well as well as the disappointment of knowing you could have done a lil better; the random jokes that your friends make that never fail to crack you up; the funny and meaningful quotes of your lecturers that would make you remember for life; the nervousness of standing in front of the whole class to make your presentations; the words of encouragement that both your peers and lecturers offer you along the way; the craziest things you say in front of your goofy bunch of friends; the rides you share with your friends to and back from college; the frustrating moments of having to deal with un-obtained results and payment of fees; the simple compliment your peers render that lights up your day; the glorious and embarrassing moments of answering a question right, or wrong; the events that you organize with your college peers; the excitement and thrill of being a participant in college activities and events; the alarming moment of having your name called to provide answers and opinions in class; the nerve-racking but rewarding-at-times moments of having your friends sabotage you to answer a posted question by the lecturer; the laughter of the class when the lecturer unleashes his or her sense of humor; the joyful and frustrating moments of working with team members; the flexibility of going into class 10-30 minutes late sometimes (whoops *seals mouth*); the stares that you get when you walk into a classroom where everyone is well seated; the weekly renewing of your borrowed library books because you deem buying a new one a waste of money; the warm smiles that you receive in return from friends, lecturers and sometimes college staffs; the anticipation of going to class the next day especially when you love the subject and the lecturer; the thoughtful 'Hi' and 'Byes' you get from your friends who randomly pops up; the highly anxious, nervous and sometimes frightening moments of walking into the exam hall, just like today, and the list goes on, and on, and on.

I'll not be able to list everything down as it would probably take forever; but one thing for sure is that I will most certainly miss this phase of my life!

Thereby it is with much gratitude and appreciation that I would want to express a big THANK YOU to those who have been with me and who was always there for me throughout my course of undergraduate studies the past 3-4 years, friends; lecturers; family and loved ones; you know who you are. :)

To my dear friends who are still undergoing your remaining studies, ALL THE BEST, BREAK A LEG! And to those of us who will be doing our internship this coming semester, ALL THE BEST, MAY WE BRING BACK SOMETHING FROM THIS VALUABLE EXPERIENCE!

P.S: Now i've got to start worrying about buying my Office Wear =X

Signing off,

Monday, here I come!

One down, another to go!

First paper's up. 2 hours and 40 minutes were filled with much writings and anxiety for the fear of the lack of time. Well, what can I say - I did what I can within the capacity of time. As one of my lecturers so rightly put forth, "do your best and God will take care of the rest." Couldn't agree more. We'll see how this turns out.

Now is probably the time to start focusing on the next paper, after which much mental preparation is required for the upcoming adventure of internship which well, is WORK! Aiyaaaiii Captain :)

On another note, I'm thankful for those who've been around to offer me their support, directly or indirectly. Its through these support system that I gain strength to rise up when I hit rock bottom. On a personal note, Thank You for always being there to offer me your words of encouragement and drop a message every now and then out of concern; despite having to take care of your own set of challenges. I probably never told you how much it meant to me in the past; so I'm letting you know again, thank you.

It's funny sometimes, to think of how great "life" in itself actually is; with its strong, narcissistic love for itself, it instills in one a tremendous amount of will, vitality and zest to pursue and live it to its best; yet being imperfect, giving in to its mood swings, it never fails to confute you at times with the amount of lemons it tosses at you, expecting you to search for the "sweetness" within the prescribed sourness. Then there are times where it kindly shows you the road home, yet there are times where it ditches you at a crossroad, expecting you to find your own way home; whereas you know not where both of the roads may lead to. Unsure of which road you should take, you're left in a rut of uncertainties and emotions, all mixed up; and this is when you start to consult your gut feelings; and what if your gut feelings may turn out to be wrong?

This is where the question of God comes in. There are many things concerning the future which perhaps, I may not be able to fully comprehend and obtain an answer as of now, but I trust that the Lord knows what is best for me and therefore I'll leave it to Him to take care of all things, in time.

"Many things about tomorrow,

I don't seem to understand,

But I know who holds tomorrow,

And I know who holds my hand."

~Words by Ira Stanphill, 1950~

Hot Buttons.

Hot buttons - We all have them. A comment from someone who reminds you of your sensitive past may more often than not, leave you feeling sucky the whole day. Its easy to say sometimes, to look at things from a brighter perspective; but more often than not, in your attempts, you only tend to dwell on it even more. Humans - appearing strong on the outlook, but vulnerable from within. Emotions, very often get the better of us, and this perhaps is what we would have to deal with from time to time.

Yesterday night, was the day where i had my hot buttons pushed. Thanks, Aunty, you may not have realized it, but perhaps you may want to think twice before making a remark next time. I read an article the other day about how nosy Asians actually are, I never really gave much thought to it, until now.

On another note, I should have my self-defense mechanism up and running, and stop being too nice.

Signing off,

just another Saturday evening.

Heartache.

Heartaches,

They come by and go,

But this is not just like any other;

It pierces through like a sword, and leaves you grasping for air.

Good friends do not come by easily

When there are days you are feeling blue

And all you want is to just sit and coo;

Thinking about the slightest hope that's left in you;

You can't help to wonder if it seems what it is, just as true.

Your mind starts to wonder, and you start to ponder

About all the possible outcomes that may occur

Which often times leave you clueless, helpless,

and your spirit asunder.

Then, as a knight in shining armor

Your friends come by to deliver

With a warm chatter and smile on their faces

Things suddenly, just seem a little bit better.

These are not ordinary friends

Who just drops a "Hi" every now and then;

But rather friends, who you've known for over 10 years

That sticks around with you; through both laughter and sometimes, tears.

Then you start to realize how time has passed us by;

With the reminiscence of both primary and high school years

That consisted of nice and nasty teachers; schoolbags that were bigger in size than us; the popular girl at school and usually, guys we used to like.

Funny when you come to think about it

Of how we used to giggle at the slightest thing;

But those were the good days and wonderful memories

That i'll never want to wipe clean.

Despite the different paths in life that we may undertake

The uncertainty of not knowing what future lies ahead;

One thing I do know is that good friends are hard to come by

Therefore this friendship; is something that I would want to treasure

For life.

Going all out

"To love is to risk not being loved in return; To hope is to risk pain; To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."

Life is too short for any regrets; if you love someone, at least have the courage to tell them; even if it means you might get hurt. If you want something really badly, go all out and give your best; even if it means you may fail. If you want to know what truly makes you happy, take time to explore and discover for yourself the world; even it means you will have to sacrifice certain things in life.

Life is all about taking risks; if you're too afraid of taking them, you'll probably never be able to look back and say: "hey, at least i've tried and gave my best."

Signing off,

It's all about the choices we make in life.

Sunday Evening's lingering thought

Then again, will anything in life ever be certain?

At a crossroad - should decisions in life be made on objectivity or mere feelings?

To a place beyond this world.

You know there are times where you just feel like getting away to a faraway island, shutting yourself out from the hustles and bustles of the modern world; not having to worry too much about the troubles of life and the people around you; reading your favorite book and reflecting on your own life whilst enjoying the beauty of nature.

That's how I feel like right now.

Out-of-sight, out-of-mind.

Napping equals lower productivity? Think Again.

DID YOU KNOW THAT?

-Bill Clinton napped while President to help him cope with the pressure of office?
-Brahms napped at the piano while he composed his favourite lullaby?
- Napolean napped between battles while sitting on his horse?
-Churchill maintained that he had to nap in order to cope with his wartime responsibility?
-Geniuses such as Edison and da Vinci napped?
-Margaret Thatcher napped in order to be at her best?
-Einstein napped frequently during the day to help him think more clearly. He would sit in his favourite armchair with a pencil in his hand and purposefully doze off. He would wake when the pencil dropped, ensuring that he did not enter a deep sleep from which it would be difficult to wake up?

=0 ?

The Siesta is one of the most famous aspects of Spanish life - that dead period in late afternoons when everything shuts down in Spain, in theory so people can go to sleep.

The Siesta had existed for thousand of years and was previously regarded as a physical necessity rather than a luxury. While the traditional Spanish style siesta can last up to 2 hours to avoid the hottest part of the day, there is actually a biological need for people in all climates to have a short rest in the afternoon to revive energy levels. The form of rest recommended for health and productivity benefits is a short 10-20 minute nap, and not the 2 hour long siesta normally associated with Spain.

Siesta Facts
-More energy
-Improve productivity by over 30%
-Improve alertness by up to 100%
-Reduce stress and the risk of heart disease by 34%
-Better negotiation and communication
-Reduce risk of accidents at work and on the road
-Happiness and wellbeing

Warning though: Possible slight risk of developing Type 2 diabetes. Several factors which may be behind the link included disrupted night-time sleep and an association between napping and reduced physical activity. However, in terms of being major risk factors for developing Type 2 diabetes, disturbed sleep or napping are likely to remain less significant than already established factors such as being overweight, being above the age of 40 or having a history of diabetes in family.

Because the benefits outweigh the cost, workaholics (as prevalent in our Asian culture) should consider taking a nap or two during the day for better alertness, health and higher productivity! Shouldn't organizations consider this as well?

I vote for SIESTAA!!!
:D

Something to Blog About!

Just going through the ongoing updates of my peers on their blogs, i feel a sudden urge to blog. Also because there's something for me to blog about tonight - talk about inspiration, eh? ;)

FACEBOOK

Inspiring enough?

I'm sure many of your faces would have light up upon hearing the word Facebook. I mean, who doesn't have a facebook account in today's modern world of technology, right? Afterall we use Facebook to communicate, poke and even smile at our peers. =o Yea, with all sorts of applications we can do all sorts of things to our friends, virtually. (May or may not be a good thing hm). Even mummy has a fb i found out! D:

Well anyway, putting all that aside. Ever wondered how Facebook came about?
-It all started with the brilliant mind of an American entrepreneur, who was a College Student (and I believe he was 20 then) -Mark Zuckerberg along with his classmates Eduardo Saverin, Dustin Moskovitz and Chris Hughes who cofounded this ever famous social networking site called FACEBOOK (as we know it today). As of July 2010 Facebook has reached the 500-million user mark. 500 million??! That's half a billion! Who would have imagined that a student directory called "The Photo Address Book", also known as "The Facebook" back then which was to cater to the needs of student's social experience of a private school called Philips Exeter Academy would have inspired this 2o year old (back in 2004) to have come up with such a brilliant idea of a social networking site??

Yes, it was called "The Facebook" back then, and i believe for convenience sake the name was changed to "Facebook" as it is today. It does sound better though! ;)

So anyway, Why the Facebook Inspiration?

Well because tonight I personally witnessed Mark Zuckerberg in his creative process. *jeng jeng jeng* ;) He's in the cinemas! hehe Ok not the real person of course - but someone that probably resembles him - Jesse Eisenberg who plays Zuckerberg stars in 'The Social Network' together with Andrew Garfield and Justin Timberlake.

The Social Network

So yes, for all you facebook users out there, or even those who don't have an account but has heard of it, you may want to catch 'The Social Network' - just to get a glimpse as to how the Facebook that you log on almost everyday actually came about!

I've watched the movie tonight and I'd say the show is basically about how Zuckerberg along with his classmate (well in the movie it was Eduardo Saverin mostly) went through the process of creating this famous social networking site. It's very much a 'process' of how fb came along, but I'd say the movie's pretty interesting! I actually enjoyed it! Perhaps because it's something that I can relate to, or rather we all can, afterall whose contributing towards the 500 million mark? ;) 500 million!! seriously? (sorry couldnt' help it) I mean, how ever more famous or successful can you get when you're only 20 or 21! (iam20:x) Btw Zuckerberg as of 2010 owns a 24% share of Facebook (wikipedia, n.d.).

Anyway, ironic as it may sound, real founder Mark Zuckerberg expressed his lack of interest in the film when it was released October this year. Apparently when he was told about the film, he responded by saying: "I just wished that nobody made a movie of me while I was still alive." Well it could be due to various reasons as the film was said to be not portraying the actual thing.

Oh well, it''s not too far off either after reading the story of it. Afterall filmmakers have their ways of pumping things up, making it appear more interesting! Hm. Oh well, good movie that provides you an insight though! ;)

So Facebook in the making, anyone? ;)

Signing off,
It's December?

Good Morning December!

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
-Aristotle-

There are some things in life we would never be able to comprehend.

Many times when I was feeling low, you were always there to uplift me.

You never failed to shower your words of encouragement whenever things were not going too well for me.

Now that you're going through this very difficult time, my heart goes out to you, and your family.

There's probably nothing much i could do to help.

But to only pray that He will see you through and to hope that things will get a little better with time.

My deepest condolences,
a dear friend.

Prayer for Love.

Today, Lord, help me to accept myself the way I am, without judgement.

Help me to accept my mind the way that it is, with all my emotions, my hopes and dreams, and my unique pesonality.
Help me to accept my body the way that it is, with all it's beauty and perfection.

Today, Lord, clean my mind of emotional poison and self-judgement, so that I can live in peace and love.

Let the love for myself be so strong that I never reject myself or sabotage my happiness and personal freedom.
Let me love and accept myself without judgement, because when I judge myself, I find myself guilty, and then need to punish myself.

With the power of self-love, let all my relationships be based on love and respect.
Help me to let go of the need to tell others how to think or how to be.
Let me accept the people I love just the way they are, without judgement, because when I judge them and blame them, I find them guilty, and want to punish them.
Help me Lord, to love everything you create with no conditions, because when I reject your creation, I reject you.

Today Lord, help me to start my life over with the power of self-love.

Help me to explore life, to take risks, and to love myself unconditionally.
Let me open my heart to the love that is my birthright so that I can share my love wherever I go.
Amen.

~words by Don Miguel Ruiz~

Just thought these words were rather meaningful.

Signing off,
Let go off the past, get your life back on track.